It ain't that easy

Since we've past our 20th anniversary; my motto has been out with the old. Luckily, Shirley hasn't taken the same stance or I'd be history. But we had some things around here that we've had since before we were married or just after. It was time to do a little updating and house cleaning. Part of that was when we repainted our bedroom - again (my idea, so I can't complain....much) some of the OLD wall hangings weren't going back on the wall. Shirley likes the Live, Love, Laugh thing but couldn't find anything that she really liked. I have another saying I'd like to put on the wall in our bedroom but since I don't have this site marked "adult content", I can't share it here.

At the Fargo Street Fair we ran across this interesting concept. You put just the words on the wall, no picture, no nails, just press and enjoy. Yea.....that easy. So, of course, it sat rolled up in our bedroom for over a month before we decided to put it on the wall. It happened to be the same weekend my parents were there so they got to witness the spectical as well. Abbreviated instructions: Mark where you want the words (currently on a sheet of paper), then lay the sheet on a flat surface and rub the back side with a credit card to "set" the print on the front sheet of paper. Peel the back side off, set the front side against your marked wall and rub the back of that with a credit card. Pull off the back sheet. You are done.

Now - how it actually works. I will leave my parents out since they were innocent by-standers; although I'm sure they found it humorous.

Leave the sheet, that is supposed to be flat, rolled up in a tight tube for over a month. This way it gets the permanent "rolling" effect - perfect for getting something to stay on a flat surface. Hold the rolling sheet up to the wall while your loving spouse decides if it is straight or needs to move left, right, up, or down a hairs width. Mark said rolling sheet so you know where it needs to go. Take rolling sheet out to table and rub with a credit card to set the words on the front sheet. Try to peel off the back sheet, realizing all the words are still sticking to it. Rub with 2 credit cards and witness the same result. Rub with 2 credit cards and your fingernails using the pressure of a steel vice. Slowly roll back the back sheet, stopping frequently to figure out how to keep the stubborn (remember, not marked as adult content - replace "stubborn" with whatever work you'd have used) words on the front sheet. Kink, pull, press, and rub until everything is now on the front sheet that has the texture of fresh fly paper. The good news is that after all that rubbing, the sheet doesn't roll quite as much. Take said fly paper back to room. Now, and this is important, you had better have your shit together and line the fly paper up correctly the first time...oh, wait, did I forget to mention that in step 1 the words were not straight on the sheet. So this means your fly paper has to be at a slight angle so the words will be straight. Like I said, you have one chance to get this right. Slowly press the fly paper onto the wall. At this time the rolling effect comes back and you have air bubbles. Sarcastically say to those in hearing range "Great, this is just f*&^%*#g great". Witness grandparents and children flee to another level of the house. Try to get those bubbles out (ha - G.F.Luck). Once you have it pressed against the wall and the bubbles smoothed out, peel the sheet back ever so slightly, remembering that the simple "credit card rub" may not work. And.....it doesn't. Peel fractions of a centimeter back at a time, stopping constantly to reapply, rerub, peel, reapply, rerub. There...phew....done.......with ONE word of the bible length saying. Continue until complete. Step back, hand in hand with your loving spouse who you have now bonded with for over an hour, to enjoy your accomplishment in awe and wonder - as in "aw wonder if the idiot that wrote the instructions has actually ever done one of these.